BOYCOTT PORK! (For now, all you pig eaters!)
To: The Pork Board
(and to all of the internet recipients, feel free to forward)
Jeff Hartz – Director of Marketing Communications
(515) 223-2629 JHartz@pork.org
Joy Johnson – Vice President Marketing
(515) 223-2631 email@example.com
Michael Wegner – Vice President Communications
(515) 223-2638 MWegner@pork.org
Teresa Roof – Public Relations Manager
(515) 223-2616 firstname.lastname@example.org
Hello to the Pork Board!
I understand you have ordered a work-at-home mom who raises money for the MOTHER’S MILK BANK in her area (a charity that SAVES lives of babies every day) to stop selling shirts that say “The Other White Milk.” The old saying goes that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but apparently you are putting out a smelly pile of pig crap and attracting a lot of flies here! According to The Lactivist Blog, she would kindly have removed the shirt if you had asked nicely, although personally I think that you are pretty darn stupid for trying to stop the sale of the shirt.
Do you honestly think you have the eternal rights to those three words of the English language: the, other, and white?
Do you think that your board may perhaps be long overdue for some downsizing? I mean come on, you must really have a lot of excess fat that needs to be trimmed, like a “pork barrel” or something like that at your organziation. Because you seem to have WAY too much time on your hands.
Anyone who would just threaten to sue a mom for selling a shirt that might actually promote pork should take a little lesson in common sense, so as a former teacher, I tell you that you are about to get schooled.
I want you to know that this has actually resulted in the tarnishing of your image. When I saw the shirts a while back, I actually thought “Hmm that’s funny, cool, etc. What a neat shirt,” and, “Oh yeah – pork slogan – maybe I should buy some pork when I go to the store, that sounds like a good dinner plan.”
Now instead, every time I see a package of bacon, sausage or a pork tenderloin, I will think, “Hmmm the pork board is a bunch of ignorant jerks who are apparently very concerned about their image, but hate breastfeeding, breast milk, and its many medicinal properties. I wonder why they would be concerned about their image. Could it be that they have to fight against common ideas like: don’t eat bacon, don’t eat sausage, or don’t eat pigs at all? Why? Maybe it’s just that unhealthy for you since pigs wallow in their own poopies!”
I am abstaining from all pork and pork-derived products until such time as you issue a formal apology to Jennifer Laycock. And I will ALSO tell all my friends and family and vast internet contacts NOT TO EAT PORK. It will be difficult because I love to use pork to make meatballs and spaghetti sauce, but I think I can take it.
Oink oink! Save the pigs. Save Wilbur.
I am very serious about this! You guys should really be ashamed of yourselves.
P.S. There is this little invention called the laser printer with which any person who wishes can print a transfer that says “The other white milk” and put it on a shirt. You have in essence contributed to the increased popularity of that spin off of your oh-so-effective slogan in addition to the unfortunate tarnishing of your image as a member of the food industry for all time.
P.S.S. It’s as if you think that parodying slogans and jingles actually “tarnishes the good image” of businesses. We are all sitting around thinking of as many funky new slogans as we can come up with because we have nothing better to do with our time, what with all the lazy moms out there who are just lying around breastfeeding all day. Oh yeah – breast milk – gross – the mere mention of a wonderful substance like that would tarnish ANY image it is associated with!
Read Full Post »